Behind Every Successful Man

Aliff might be moving to Jakarta.

Sounds familiar?

Lets rewind a bit.

Aliff was very playful in highschool, that was why most people were surprised when his SPM results were really good. He got a JPA scholarship. We were together for almost a year I think when he told me about the offer and asked me whether he should take it. I straight away said YES. duhhh.  I knew that that means we're going to be apart for about 4 years, but I didn't think that that should even be a hindrance nor a concern. We were still in the early stage of the relationship and it wasn't fair for him and most importantly his future for him to reject the offer simply because I would be left without a boyfriend here in Malaysia. I wasn't as attached to him back then as I am now and we were still very young to think of anything too far off in the future, as far as where our relationship would go (although I've always known that he is someone I could see myself marrying heee), so it was definitely a no-brainer for me. If we were able to survive the distance, then it would be a bonus.

So, almost 2 years into the relationship, Aliff flew to Chicago for his undergraduate studies at Northwestern University. He came back every year for 3 months for the summer holidays, except for his second year when he was back for only 3 weeks, cause being the nerd that he is, he wanted to take the short semester. I was at the airport sending him off every year, except for his third year I think cause I could not skip my class that day.

2004 - Sending him off the first time. Tengok Ika kecikkk je lagi

The whole family was there. We were there every year after that. Sorry Kakmira, this was the only group picture I found :p

2005 - Second year

2007 - Fourth year. It was Ramadhan. He wanted to celebrate Raya early, cause he never gets to celebrate it in Malaysia.

It was difficult, being apart, especially when ALL your girlfriends AND sisters HAVE BOYFRIENDS. Can you believe it? Everyone I was close with were all in relationships. I didn't have a "single" girlfriend. Seriously, being the only one "single" was definitely TORTURE. Especially during the holidays or special occassions. I hated being a thirdwheel. And Aliff was quite possessive when he was in the US, I had restrictions, and if I ever crossed any restrictions of his, HUGE FIGHT. But we didn't have any trust issues. I guess that was one of the reasons we were able to survive the LDR.

Amazingly, we survived the 4 years of LDR, without ever breaking up or "taking a break from each other". We fought a lot, and I mean A LOT. But it never got to that. We would not talk for prolly a day or two, but then we would miss each other and make up. We also MSN-ed a lot and talked on the phone everyday. Those were the days when I would top up almost every day (al-maklum, masa student tak mampu pakai line) and go to kedai uncle to get IDD cards. I forgot why we didn't skype. Belum popular lagi kot. I visited him once when he was in the US, during his final year in 2008, to attend his graduation. I was there for 12 days. His mum came on the 7th day. So dapatlah dating for atleast a week :)

During the Commencement

After the Graduation Ceremony
(The Commencement and Graduation Ceremony was on different days hence the different dress)

With his mum

We stopped by LA for a couple of days before returning home

Hollywood Walk of Fame

Universal Studios, LA


Santa Monica, LA

Aliff initially wanted to work in the US. Arghhhhh. Again, I didn't want to be a roadblock to his career path.  But, in 2008, the US was suffering from the economic crisis and many Americans couldn't get jobs, let alone foreigners, who were the first to be let go in most corporations. So, Aliff being the ambitious guy he is, applied for a postgrad program in Cambridge, UK. Guess what? He was accepted for the 1 year MPhil in Finance program. Deeeeeep breaths. How else was I supposed to feel but really happy for him. The program that he was accepted in is one of the most competitive, and its Cambridge. No second thoughts. Takpe, I said. What's one more year? But it was quite hard jugak sebab we were already in our 6th year when he left for UK. So I've already gotten sooo attached to him and misssing him terribly.

But he managed to stay on in Malaysia for about 2 months I think before departing for the UK, so he was able to attend my graduation in August 2008 :) He left in September 2008 I think.

Sending him off for UK. The hug might look really dramatic. Tapi this was the only year I did NOT cry. Dah biasa. :)

But to my surprise, it wasn't as difficult as it was when he was in the US. The time difference was much better. I had started my chambering and busy with work. I guess I was more matured then I was before. And one year passed by so quickly. And I got to visit him there, in April 2009, right after I finished my chambering, which was the best part. Got to shop at London, romanced in Paris...and Cambridge is such a beautiful town. My trip was just for a short 10 days because of work. But this time, no "mum". Heheh.

At King's College, Cambridge

Punting at river Cam, Cambridge

At Basilique du Sacré-Cœur, Paris

The Arc de Triomphe

Tour Eiffel, Paree

Eiffel, I'm in Love!

Musée du Louvre

Moulin Rouge

Notre Dame de Paris

Big Ben, London

London Bridge

Madame Tussauds, London

Pembroke Dinner, Cambridge

 I couldn't make it for his graduation, which was a few months after I went to see him.

Aliff at his Congregation

 Tapi belum lega lagi. Aliff. He applied for jobs in London. He even went for an interview when I was there visiting him, where he "abandoned" me for about 4 hours in London alone. Nasib he taught me to ride the tube to Covent Garden and Oxford Street for me to shop. Pandai.  

BUT, because the economic crisis has shifted to the European countries in 2008/09, it was also hard for him to get the jobs that he wanted. He was very selective. He was hardcore into Investment Banking, which was the most badly hit by the crisis. Prominent investment banks were going under, and people were being laid off. I don't know, maybe God pitied me, his rezeki was not abroad. 

So in July 2009, Aliff came home. Being Aliff, he didn't take a long break, and started work 2 weeks after he touched down in Malaysia.

The point of this entry is to share my patience with Aliff's ambitions. All I was able to do was to be supportive. I was just really happy that after 5 years, I didn't have to celebrate Valentines Day, Birthdays, Hari Raya-s via the internet, I can finally RSVP as a couple and I no longer have to feel like a thirdwheel, among others. At the end of 5 years being apart, I had my boyfriend back for good.

Or so I thought.

Just recently Aliff joined CIMB Investment - Regional M&A. Note the word "Regional". His team does cross-border deals, which means, his clients are non-Malaysian corporations. *I know I am speaking in lay-man terms here and Aliff would just laugh reading this, but seriously I cant talk finance.* Aliff has always talked about his interest to work in Jakarta because apparently, Jakarta is the financial hub in South East Asia. 

So, now I have been informed that he might be seconded to the Jakarta office for about 5-6 months. Not sure when that will happen, or if it will ever happen. But if that offer comes up, I already know Aliff's answer. It has been all that he has ever talked about since he came home from UK. Jakarta is the place he has to go if he were to gain all the experience he needs and for him to grow in his profession. 

What crosses my mind now is not just the distance (again!!), but the earthquakes, tsunami and Gunung Merapi-s in Indonesia. The tsunami in 2004 shook me to the bone and I am only just recovering and finding myself able to go to the sea again. With all the natural disasters in Indonesia right now, I don't think I would be able to sleep soundly while he's there. And so close to the wedding????  Deeeeeeepppppppp breaths. Inhale. Exhale. This past 1 and half years since he came back from UK has been the BEST. I was just getting comfortable (tooo comfortable) having him around all the time, although his working hours is crazy, and I get to only talk to him like for 10 seconds per call, but he's just soooo near.

The ONLY upside that I can think of by him going  to Jakarta is it would be convenient and economical for me to shop for wedding stuff in Jakarta. No worries on accommodation and he said he'll pay for my flights if I come visit. Tapi apa je ada dekat Jakarta? Wedding invites, favors ... lagi? Lace? I already bought 2 pieces of white lace. My strategy is, if you find something for the wedding, at a really affordable price, and it's really nice, doesn't matter if its still early, GET THEM. Because from experience, things tend to not show up when you're looking for them. I don't know whether that is smart or plain membazir. But that's how I'm rolling.

ANYWAY, yeap. If that were to happen, especially if it continues after the wedding, I guess it's back to square one. I can't quit my job and follow him. His secondment is not permanent. It might be 5-6 months, it might be a year. And it might not only be Jakarta. It can be Thailand or Singapore. 

*can I please curse!!*

Quitting and becoming a housewife this soon is just not smart. I worked hard in getting my LLB. I want a career. All I can do is understand and support his ambitions and that he is doing it for our future. And most importantly I don't want to be the obstacle in him realising his dreams and passion. See kids (future kids insyaAllah hehe), look what mummy has to sacrifice?

Sabar separuh dari iman.

I always doa to Allah after prayers; Murahkan rezeki Aliff supaya dia mencapai cita-citanya, Dekatkan dan Panjangkan jodoh kami. (apart from praying for good health for the family and also for me to have my perfect and beautiful wedding heeee :))))).

So, dear readers. Please pray for my strength to overcome the obstacles in me realising the day I have been dreaming of since forever and that me and Aliff would stand the test of time...and distance. 

In times like this, I would always remember Tun Dr. Mahathir's quote: 

"Behind every successful man is not a woman, but a wife".

I know I am not his wife yet, but we are practically married anyway, and that is what I am counting down to for anyway right? being his wife? 
 
Story of my life. 

A Simple White Gown

So, last weekend was a long weekend due to the Deepavali celebrations.

Kakmira called me over on Friday to join her lunch date with Along Fara and Dindin. So, while Kakmira and Bibik prepared lunch in the kitchen (ouhhh sedap sangat - Ketam Masak Lemak, Ayam Goreng Bibik Style, Sambal Terung ... yummmsssssss), I went through the wedding magazines that I managed to grab when Kakmira picked me up and also my yellow-wedding-box (it's a box where I keep pictures that I've cut out from magazines about to be threwn out and samples of cards I bought at Memory Lane among others - it's a collection of ideas for my wedding) to start designing and sketching my wedding attires.

(I suck at sketching, so the sketch of my wedding dresses was not as pretty as what I have imagined in my head, oh well).

Finally deciding on the design was very tough, as I have mentioned in my previous entry ( Timeless ), I have done my research since forever. The picture of the wedding dress in my mind has evolved over 20 years of dreaming and 3 years of google-ing every design out there. So, yeah, my mind is filled with jumbled-up designs and inspirations. As much as I admire the women I have wrote about in that entry, and although their styles do inspire me in one way or another, I want my wedding attires to be me.

So, this is what I have so far. It's not much, but atleast its progress and I kind of know the direction I am heading to now.

Without giving too much away, 

 for the nikah,

I'm going to go with the malay-traditional baju kurung, with a touch of modern design. It's going to be soft-white-chiffon, with lace trims around the neckline and bust area, probably some on the shoulder, the wrist and edges of the dress. It would also be embelished with white pearls and probably some swarovski diamonds, just so that there'll be some glitz. I'm imagining it to be flowy, and not too skin-tight. And I'll have a full laced-long veil, something like Jackie Kennedy's and Princess Zara's veil. I'm not having too much problem envisioning the nikah outfit.

for the reception dinner,

I'm imagining a long ivory dress with a long train.  

I'm going with a one piece long dress, because Aliff's side would be traditional.

The dress would be semi - conservative. But not too conservative as I'm envisioning a portrait neckline - something like Jackie-O/Princess Mary. Innitially, I wanted a high-neck collar, like Princess Letizia, but then I feel that it will look too formal for my taste.

 

It's going to be with sleeve, but I'm, still contemplating on the length.

I would also want to incorporate a couple of different materials such as light tulle, fine satin, and soft chiffon.

I'm still unsure whether there'll be any element of lace since the nikah outfit will already have that.

Because the reception will be at night, in a big hall, I'm going to need some glitz effect. Im thinking that I would want some crystals and beads encrusted at the bust area and some sparkles on the bodice and along the trims of the dress to add some bling-bling. Like the styles of Sheila Majid and Noryn Aziz, but not as extravagant lah. Some Hollywood examples -

Overall, the dress will be sheath - slim silhouette with some flowy effect - but not overly kembang  fairytale princess-ball gown like. When I was small I wanted Cinderella's ball gown. It was and still very beautiful, but probably not the way I am going for my wedding :)So I'll have to be careful and make sure that the tulle material will not get out of hand. But the sparkle effect is what I'm going for.

 

Ok, some of the dresses above might be quite extravagant for me, but somewhere along those lines lah. 



The tailor.

That's another problem. I am very particular and head strong. That's why I have stuck so long with Cindy, my tailor of almost 20 years. She listens and layan all my ... kerenah you can call it. Ahaha. She'll try to think, crack her head and sew a particular design that I want. For the wedding, although I love Cindy, I'm going to go with a designer-tailor. Preferably someone young, cause their approach is more current. I know some well-known designers have a head of their own and usually dictates how the dress would look like. I  need someone who can work with my visions and enlighten me with my details. I'm no designer, I can't even sew, so I'll need their professional consult, but I want someone who can suggest their ideas without imposing them.

I have a few names; Syomir Izwa, Syahrir Nurdin, Syaiful Baharim, Rizman Ruzaini to name a few.  I know that most of them do celebrities, but I am hoping that their price will be within my budget. Aiyayai. I hate the budget. Such a party pooper. Tapi, I have to be realistic lah kan.

I think Nabila's is also quite good, I saw a glimpse of her wedding attires and they look sooo pretty, especially the nikah outfit. I love that one. Something like what I'm imagining for mine. Her wedding's this December, and I'm probably meeting her this week, so we'll see the final product and her testimony.

And according to Kakmira, her friend, Diyana's designer-tailor is also nice and affordable. The name is Emma. I went to Diyana's wedding and her baju pengantin was really lovely and I was told Emma made the bridesmaids dresses as well and they were also very pretty.

That said, I'm quite inclined towards this one person who, from his porfolio goes well with my idea for the dresses, but I'm still keeping my options open. I'll have to start scheduling for appointments. Arghhh..can I just call on Cinderella's fairy god-mother to wave her wand and transform the materials into a beautiful gown? umm...make that 2 or 3 beautiful gowns lah. :)

Although this entry might or could build up the anticipation of a lavish big gown, (I hope it doesn't), but if it does, then I'm not putting my words right ... I just want a simple white gown. :)

I am giving myself until the end of this month, to finally choose a designer and put together the pieces of ideas and inspirations to create the vision of the dream wedding dress. Sempat ke nak meet this deadline, with the contracts and opinions piling on my rack, table and chairs in the office! Ahhh.. Lambat sangat tak 5/6 months before the wedding? Ok kot?

Lets pray that the designer I finally choose will not be fully booked for a June wedding

... and hopefully my vision will translate in real life.  

*Crossing my fingers*

Timeless

It is November ... and according to the ticker, it's about 7 months before the wedding. What have been checked in the list? other than the venue and date, absolutely NOTHING. *panic*

I guess since I have been surveying and surveying and surveying since the past 3 years, I got accustomed to just surveying and didn't realise that it is now time to make decisions. That would be hard cause I have been surveying and collecting so much that I would have to sift through all the clipped pages of the wedding magazines that i bought since 2007 (which are a lot), the folders i created in the computer and the most tormenting of all, get quotations from a long list of vendors. wow. where do I start?

The dress.

To quote the legendary Vera Wang;

"As the wedding dress is usually the first decision after the date, time and location of the wedding, it creates an important source of ideas for other wedding details."

Yes Vera, you are ever so wise. Now, I just have to finally decide on the everchanging design for my wedding dress. The dress is the most important component of the wedding. I have been dreaming of the dress since I was a little girl, hence the everchanging designs.

I don't want my dress to look dated, too much in-trend and basically look like every other bride's dresses that season. So, concocting the perfect formula for the perfect design would be difficult. It doesn't have to be too extravagant, or so unique. It has to be elegant, classic, with a slight modern touch. Timeless. I am inspired by the 1950s brides such as Grace Kelly of Monaco, Jacqueline Kennedy-Onassis a.k.a Jackie-O and my idol, Audrey Hepburn.

The stunning Grace Kelly on her Wedding

The oh-so-famous wedding dress which has become the most replicated wedding dress nowadays
(eg: Maya Karin's wedding in France, Ivanka Trump's Vera Wang wedding gown)  

The beautiful Jackie-O in Ann Lowe

The iconic Audrey Hepburn. This is a dress she wore in her movie "Sabrina".

The wedding gown that she never wore - “I want my dress to be worn by another girl for her wedding, perhaps someone who couldn’t ever afford a dress like mine, the most beautiful, poor Italian girl you can find.”

She didn't get married in this dress either. This was the wedding dress that she wore in her movie "Funny Face"

This dress was the dress of her first wedding, with Mel Ferrer

Audrey's second marriage to Andrea Dotti

Ok, so above are the beautiful wedding dresses of among the most astounding, iconic and beautiful women (for me atleast). The dresses might not exactly be what I am having in mind for my dress, as I have said earlier, Grace Kelly's  Helen Rose gown has been replicated so much now, and Jackie Kennedy's dress might be a tad too puffy and the length of Audrey's dresses does not really fit my idea of a long flowy wedding gown, but they (the dresses and most importantly the women in the dresses) are definitely INSPIRATIONS.   

Other inspirations would be the styles of Queen Rania (tho her wedding dress might not be a preferred choice for me), Coco Chanel, Princess Mary of Denmark, Princess Letizia of Spain, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy among others. The Oscars' red carpet is also inspiring.

Queen Rania of Jordan - "Being Queen is not who I am, it's what I do"

Queen Rania on her Wedding day

The epitome of beauty

The legendary Coco Chanel

Coco ageing with style

Princess Mary of Denmark

Getting married to the ohhh-sooooo-handsome Prince Frederik of Denmark

Clean and Stylish

Princess Letizia of Spain

The Spanish Royal Wedding

Very Chanel

Carla Sarkozy-Bruni, First Lady of France

When the Princess of Spain met the First Lady of France

Malaysian women also have beautiful style, those who inspire me would be Sheila Majid, Wan Zaleha Radzi, Nasha Aziz, Noryn Aziz and the lovely DYTM Raja Puan Besar Perak, Tuanku  Zara Davidson (panjangnya nama, can I just call her Princess Zara? That's what I would want people to call me if I married the son of a Sultan... heeee. berangan).

Sheila Majid - true to her style



Wan Zaleha Radzi - simplistic beauty


Nasha Aziz during her engagement (which sadly, was called off)

Styling the modern Audrey look





The Glamorous Noryn Aziz

The beauuutiful Princess of Perak

Royal Beauty

Ladies of elegance with exquisite, but simple taste.

 So, how would my wedding dress look like?