CHANGE

Change is good.

Change is inevitable.

Change is scary.

What is certain is I AM going to make the change. It IS time.

Just hoping that the decision I am about to make will be a good one.

I am hoping that the grass IS greener on the other side.

Tragedi Oktober

Is it November already?

Thank God.

October was a BAD month.

It started out really nice ... didn't expect the turn of events that would befall upon me.

But I am very thankful. Thankful to still be alive and healthy as I am writing this.

This was my October 2011:

1. First Week

I was actually looking forward to a friend's wedding that weekend, a former colleague and karcis-partner when I was chambering in Albar & Partners. It was at Mandarin Oriental, KL. It was spectacularly beautiful and the Bride was exceptionally gorgeous. Didn't bring my camera, but I managed to snap a picture of the beautiful pelamin.



@ Dalilah's Wedding

The next weekend was my nephew's kenduri aqiqah. I helped with decorating the buaian for the berendoi. The theme was blue and gray. Since it was for a boy, my Kakmira wanted the decorations to be simple.

my favorite kids

2. Second Week

Me and hubster went to Jakarta over the weekend to attend his former colleague's wedding. Our flight was the first flight out, at 7.30am, so we planned to wake up at 4am, so we can head to the airport at 5am, reach the airport at 6am, and have at least 1 hour to spare for checking in and breakfast and stuff. But somehow I snoozed the alarm, and woke up at 5am!!!! We got ready in 15 mins and reached the airport around 6.30am...quickly checked in and by time we went to the departure gate people were already lining up to board the plane. Just in time. Nasib baik I ordered breakfast on the plane!

Reached Jakarta at 8am and made our way to the hotel. Had breakfast again before checking in the hotel (was still hungry although I finished Aliff's nasi lemak on the plane). We had bakso at a shop nearby the hotel. Quite nice.By noon we made our way to the church for the church ceremony. We had some bumps along the way, cab driver got lost, the car broke down for a couple of minutes, but we managed to reach the church. It was heavily and beautifully decorated with flowers. Bride was in a Vera Wang *so lucky*. They served us Starbucks for refreshments after the ceremony...Nice.Later at night, we had a light dinner at Grand Indonesia and went to the Reception which was held at Shangri La. Again, beautifully decorated and it was more laid back, finger foods and drinks at your pleasure. Something different for a change. It was a beautiful wedding.The next day we went to Pasar Mayestik to get materials and fabrics that Bapak and Ibu had pesan. Later we went to Plaza Indonesia for lunch and by 4pm we headed to the airport for our flight home, which was the last flight out at 8.30pm. Reached Malaysia at about 11.30pm and reached home close to 1am. The next day was Monday, and I didn't take leave.


**no pictures because I can't seem to find the camera...sigh**

3. Third Week

It was Monday, just got back from Jakarta. Went to work, because I didn't want to waste my leave. BUT I was sooooooooooo TIRED. The weekend in Jakarta was hectic and I have not had enough sleep. Didn't get much sleep the night before either because we reached home close to 1am and I think I probably finally dozed off at about 2am. At the office I could not concentrate as I was sleepy and just tired. I watched the clock so closely that as it hit 5pm, I rushed out of the office, on the dot. I don't usually leave office that early but was realllly tired and could not wait to go home and jump on the bed.

So, that fateful day, I was driving through NPE to get home, and the next minute;

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....THAT happened...

The car hit the divider, and the next thing I remember, I was holding on to the steering wheel trying to keep the car straight. I remembered the screaming in my head "Oh My God, Oh My God" and "How can I fix this?" and "Oh My God, Oh My God" again. But I was helpless...The car was out of control...It felt like you're in one of those bumper cars and the car is just moving out control hitting and spinning.

The car finally screeched to a halt. And that was the time I was fully aware of what was happening and all I can think to do is grab my bag and get out of the car. Luckily the seat belt didn't get stuck. Luckily the door didn't get stuck. I was pushing off the airbag out of my face. I realised I was ok, no major injuries...just a tiny scratch at the wrist and my nose hurt a little. As I pushed open the car door, a man came to me and helped me out. The first thing I asked him was did I hit any other car? did I hit anyone?

 I was LUCKY.

I was lucky I was wearing a seatbelt.
I was lucky my car had airbags.
I was lucky I did not collided with any other vehicles.
I was lucky I did not hit any other person.
I was lucky I was OK.

I caused a major congestion, 18th October 2011, 6pm at NPE. Yes, if you were stuck that day, it was because of me and I apologise deeply.

Aliff came and rescued me from the sea of "pomen" who were pushing me to get their services. What a NIGHTMARE! Aliff brought me to the Emergency Room at SJMC and got me checked out. No major injuries. Doctor gave me one day medical leave. I still don't use the NPE since the accident. I'm without a car for atleast 2-3 months...so right now I'm borrowing Adri's car until I sort out some other arrangements, whatever that will be.

4. Fourth Week

It was a public holiday, for Deepavali...about a week after the accident. Didn't get a good sleep that night. Struggled to sleep the whole night, and when I was finally able to go into the deep sleep, Aliff woke me up and asked me to join him for a morning run at Lake View. It was 8am. On a holiday. Kakmira and Adri was already outside in the car waiting for us. Urghhhhhhhh. I hate exercising. But I dragged my ass off the bed, put on my running shoes and followed them to Lake View. Walked for 1 round, and ran for another round. Dead Tired. We then went to have breakfast.

I don't know why, but we were all very semangat to look at houses that day. We went to Alam Impian to look at the progress of our house (yeah, me and hubster bought a house!). According to the schedule, it should be completed early 2013.


that's our future house on the right!

Then we drove to Kinrara to look at Kinrara Residence. Me and Aliff have been there once and their show houses were really nice. Adri was interested in this property and wanted to show it to Kakmira, who swore she does not want to move out of Subang. Anyway, we spent quite a long time there looking at the show houses and talking to the sales person there. Kakmira and Adri were quite excited to get it, but not sure whether they are going through with it. Anyway, it was almost noon and I was begging to go home because the sore from the jog has finally crept up on me. By the time we got home i was beat! Couldn't move at all. But, since we had not have our lunch, me and hubs went to Subang Parade for a late lunch. I ate caesar's salad at this new place Capriciossa.

Went home and did not feel good. My legs were aching more than usual. I was having spinning headaches and my body temp was going up. At around 4am, I woke up and threw up my salad. But, I chose to go to work the next morning because I had a meeting that I had to attend, although everyone asked me to stay home, mostly because the accident was still fresh in everyone's mind.

But by now I have become a really careful and patient driver..So, I was adamant that I was OK and that I'll go straight to the clinic after the meeting. I wore my flat pumps because I could not walk well...and I NEVER wear flats to work! But when I reached the office, I was not feeling OK, at all. I could not walk. I was nauseated, my head was pounding. The people at the office asked me to go home but I was too sick to drive. So I slept in an empty office room. Then I started vomitting. Everyone thought I was PREGNANT. I was VERY SURE I WAS NOT. I asked my colleague to drive me to a nearby clinic. The doctor said I was probably having a viral fever. Sounds right, Adri just got well from a viral fever and he had been sleeping on my bed when he was sick. Doctor gave me one day MC and when I felt I was ok to drive back, I went home and slept the whole night.

The next morning I woke up to go to work, but was suddenly having diarrhea. So I stayed home. Ate bread for breakfast and threw it all up. Went to the clinic again. This time I was no longer having the fever. Doctor said probably a stomach flu. Gave me meds and one day MC. Went home and got something to eat so I can eat my meds. But I couldn't get anything in my stomache. Anything I eat, I'll throw it all back out. It got to a point that I can't even drink. I was MISERABLE and HUNGRY.

At about 2.00am the next morning, I woke up and starting vomitting again. Aliff brought me to the Emergency Room at SJMC. Doctor gave me a shot and some more meds. Went back home. It was Saturday, 29th October 2011 and probably one of the WORST day of my life!

My tounge was bitter. I could not eat. I could not drink. The smell of food made me want to throw up. I was forced to eat but my body just can't accept anything. I was running out of ideas of what to eat. My body was not well. I was crying infront of my food.

By this time I have ruled out pregnancy. I took the pregnancy test (my FIRST time ever!) and it was negative. Soon after, my period came. So, definitely NOT pregnant. So, Aliff brought me to SJMC again, and this time doctor said it was probably best that I get admitted, as this is the fourth visit to the doctor's...he said I'll be put on drips as my body is not receiving the nutrients it needed. The doctor said my stomach was full of wind. He even said that my stomach was not functioning. That is why I could not stomach anything.

Was admitted that night. My darling angel of a husband slept next to me. But I can feel myself feeling better. I think the drips helped, or probably just psychology cause I'm in the hospital and just met with a specialist. Its always like that..when you see the doctor, somehow the pain is suddenly not as bad. Anyway, doctor gave me some meds and I went to sleep.

No short of bad luck, I was having stomach cramps from the period. But it wasn't that bad, thank goodness.

Next morning I was feeling MUCH MUCH MUCH better. I was FINALLY able to eat and drink, tho not much. Doctor came in again and said I can be discharged that afternoon. He diagnosed me with diarhea and food poisoning I think. I think it was a combination of the tiredness, the fever and probably some wrong food.


a happy face the next morning :)

Anyway, I was so excited to be able to eat again. Me and Aliff went to have lunch at Hassan's at Taipan, and ate the famous ayam kampung...but I stayed off the sambal and anything "stimulating" as the doctor advised.

My mother called and said when i get home there's a surprise for me in my room.

I have the best mother.

BUT,

That's not the end of it.

I was suddenly having rashes all over my body. It was red and itchy and uncomfortable. WHAT NOW? Allergic to meds? Anything wrong I ate? Arghhhhh. Went back to the Emergency Room at SJMC for the third time that week. Doctor gave me a shot and observed me until it got better. Went home with more meds and one day MC. Next morning I was hungry and made myself bread. I was looking for butter, but we ran out, so I made myself a peanut butter and jam sandwich. Next thing I know, i was itching really bad again. SHIT. What the hell is wrong? I have never been allergic to nuts. Went to the clinic and doctor said I may be allergic to some meds, and he said allergy reactions can continue for 4-5 days and that I should stay away from any allergens such as dairy, nuts, chicken etc.

FINE.

Next day went to work and ate chicken for lunch. I FORGOT chicken was on the list! And itching began again. Didn't go to the doctor's this time. I rubbed on the itchy cream the the doctor gave and just continue to eat the meds. The rashes went away.

As of today, I am still watching what I eat and will test for allergies soon.

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Despite all that has happened to me last month,

I am ever so thankful to Allah that I am still breathing and is of good health today. 

I am thankful that all the worst possible "What if-s" did not happen.

And for that I feel that He had saved my life the day of the accident.

I accept all his trials and I believe that

"Tuhan tidak akan menguji hambanya melebihi kemampuannya".  

Although what I have been through is not half of what others

out there in this world are going through,

I hope I am a stronger person after this.

Thank you Allah for sending me my angels;

my husband, my mother, my sisters, my father, my family

for caring for this weak and helpless being.

Love.

..... and Hello November!



PREGNANT

Hahahahah...

NO.

I am not.

I am not pregnant...

....YET.

InsyaAllah, kalau ada rezeki.

It has been awhile since i wrote. Well I started this blog to write about my wedding, and now that that's done, I'm basically running out of topic to write. I know some bridezilla bloggers shift their writing to babies, as most of them gets knocked up quite soon after the wedding...

That has not happened to me, so no baby talk...

....YET.

Anyway, an incident today triggered me to write...

A colleague (not really a close one, we attend the same monthly meetings) got married about a couple of months before me...and after her wedding I noticed that she had gained some weight...and everytime I saw her, she seems to be gaining more weight...so, today when I saw her, I innocently asked her,

"dah pregnant ke?"

She replied:

"Takdelah, gemuk jee.."

....and walked away...

Whoopppsss...should have just kept my mouth shut.

Awkward.

Then my other friend told me, before I had asked that question, she had actually complained to my friend that she keeps on getting these "are you pregnant" question, and she was kind of annoyed..."kalau dah kahwin, kena ke terus ada baby?"

Ok. So, I was just being my curious self. It was wrong of me to assume that, just coz she had gained weight...I should have known better. I let my curiosity took the better of me. She must've felt annoyed, that, not even was she pregnant yet, but her body actually suggests that she is...**SLAPS FACE HARD**

I always hear people complaining of always being asked "oooh dah pregnant ke?", "bila nak ada isi?", and the most irritating, "tak pregnant lagi?" ... I guess if you get it all the time, those questions can be annoying and when you answer "NO" or "Belum ready lagi", SOME, not all, but there are SOME "annoying-judgmental" faces that comes after such reply.

I am a newly wed, and believe me, I get the same questions ALL the time...I myself was asked that question this morning when I stepped out of my car in the parking lot by a colleague who attended my wedding...I was even asked that like 1 month after my wedding...seriously? that fast? well, yes for those "bunting-pelamin" cases. But I never felt annoyed...I honestly don't feel any negative feeling whatsoever...I do get "the faces" when I say, "belum ready lagi kot", "belum try lagi" .... Oh well. I don't take offence or read in to it that much. It's my life, it's my body... But, I have learnt that to avoid those "faces" you dont have divulge all that, a simple "belum ada rezeki, insyaAllah" would suffice...so, that's my tagline for now.

Minus those prying-judgmental-freaks, I understand that the rest of them are just making small talks, and I appreciate that they are trying, and being human, I think it is natural for such questions to be asked after you have been recently married...I'm sure MOST of the time, they don't mean anything by it, simply to make small conversations...

I am sure to those who are trying, and not yet pregnant, those questions can feel like unneccessary pressure, or creeping into other people's business...and although I have not experienced it (god forbid I have to), I understand the frustration when such question is asked. Its not enough that you yourself, your mother, mother-in-law are questioning, then you have strangers, or people you are not closed to asking the same questions. And if you have gained weight, people automatically assume that you are pregnant, and that just makes your self esteem go way down as you have become so big that the only explanation is pregnancy.

I REALISE now, that those questions may be inappropriate...I've actually known this coz I ALWAYS hear people complaining, but I guess I've never asked, and was never shut off like today...so it just REMINDED me that, you know, those things are personal, and you have to respect that it can be sensitive to others even if it is not sensitive to you...who knows, if I started trying for a baby, and god forbids, it takes a while before I am baking, that it may be something I'd rather not be asked right?

Anyway, my point is, I understand and reminded again that that kind of question can be irritating, inapproriate and better left un-asked...and I've learnt my lesson...It was wrong for me to assume, it must have offended her...so, this is my apology to you...since I don't have the courage to say it to your face...I'm sure you are having a grudge on me now... :/

And although I am ok (for now) to being asked that question, I can not assume how others would feel...so, the lesson is: DON'T ASK..if they want to tell you, they'll tell you...or just wait until it is VERY CLEAR that she IS pregnant...then ask the other irritating questions "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" hahahhaha...if it is clear, why ask? ... or "DO YOU KNOW THE SEX?" "CAN I HOLD YOUR TUMMY?" Maybe we have to be more creative in making small talks and not to focus on personal questions...

However we try to deny or abstain from it, we ARE busy-bodies!

Human. We have a sickness for small talks.

Jari Manis - The 4th Finger

Found this interesting article.

I thought it would be nice to share.

have u ever wondered why the wedding ring is placed on the 4th finger?

fingers represent our life:

thumb = parents
index finger = siblings
3rd (center) finger = own self
4th finger = partner/spouse
5th (little) finger = our children

.........

 

let's try this game:
join your palms as shown in photo below

• bend the center finger and place them together back to back
• place the rest of the 4 fingers tip to tip

Game begins..

1. Try to part your thumb, the thumb represents parents, it can be parted because all human being  go through sickness and death. Our parents will leave us one day.

2.  Then part  your second finger, this finger represents brothers and sisters, they will have their own family which is the reason that they will leave us too.

3.Next, part your pinky, this represents your children. Sooner or later they too will leave us for they will have their own life and family. 

4. Try to part your fourth finger where we wear our wedding ring; you will be surprised to find that it cannot be parted at all. Because it represents husband and wife, your whole life,  you will be attached to each other.

****

INTERESTING RIGHT?

:)

26.6.2011 Groom's Reception

The week after my wedding hoopla was the Groom's Reception, on Sunday night, held at Dewan Merak Kayangan FELDA, Off Jalan Semarak, KL. It was a dinner reception which seated about 450 guests, of the Groom's family and closest friends.

There was not much preparation on my side, just to sort out the MUA and the ensembles. Basically my role is just to be present at the wedding! So, it was pretty much a breeze compared to the Nikah and Bride's Reception preparation. The MUA and the ensembles had been taken care of. The MUA is Aunty Faizah, who did my make up for the Nikah, and the ensembles were songkets which my MIL got from Indonesia and it was tailored by Faiz Boutique.  The ensembles were quite last minute as the songkets only arrived about a month before the date! Faiz did a good job in getting it ready in less than a month! All I needed to do was find someone to do the henna on my hand and get a flower bouquet (which I was told to arrange myself like 2 days before, ok, no worries, plenty of florist in Subang).

On Friday night, me and Aliff went to KLIA to pick up his uni friend back when he was in UK, who came all the way from Moscow. The next morning, we went again to KLIA to pick up another 2 of his friends who came from London. These 3 friends were Aliff's closest mates during his post-grad studies. I am guessing they are pretty tight as they flew in half across the world to attend his wedding reception on Sunday and flew back on Monday morning! They planned to stay longer for a vacation in Malaysia, but they were busy with work, so could only schedule 3 days off, 2 of which spent on the airplane. Anyway, Aliff is lucky to have such good friends! Aliff will have to save up to attend their weddings pulak!

After we sent his friends to their hotel and had breakfast with them, we went to Aliff's grandma's house to attend a khatam Quran. After that we went to Flowerworld, a florist in Subang to get the flower bouquet. Unfortunately, because it was already Saturday, and I needed the flowers the next day, the selection were scarce. Had to settle for white roses and eustomas. I actually planned to get calla lilies. Oh well.

Anyway, so yeah ok, like I have said in a previous entry, Aliff did not have time to have a bachelors party as he was busy with his CFA exams and Jakarta and work. So, eventhough he is a bachelor no more as of 17th June 2011, I gave him the night off to have his post-no-longer-bachelor's party with his friends on Saturday night. He told me he will be coming home, but it would be really late. Fine. I on the other hand, spent my night having Rekha (who was recommended by a fellow former bride, Hudra) drawing henna on my palms and feet. She told me to keep the inai on until it dried off, but I was already sleepy by 11pm, that I washed it off. I washed off the feet first, and to my horror, it turned out reaallly reallly dark! So I quickly washed off the ones on the palms, and it was dark as well! *Bridezilla moment alert* Soaked my hands and feet in water in the hopes that it would lighten. Rubbed minyak cap kapak as well because I heard it can make ur inai red. OMG...minyak cap kapak and water, my fingers kecut habis! Because I was rubbing them off and soaking them in water, some patterns of the henna on my nails and palms were fading away...so I asked Syida to reapply them using the henna tube I bought for the nikah. And I thought there won't be any drama left!

...or so I thought...Aliff didn't come home that night. Called him endlessly the morning after and he didn't pcik up. I got worried. I am pretty sure he fell asleep at his friends' hotel after the party, and if he is that tired, he won't be able to wake up to the ring/alarm of a phone unless someone shakes him real hard...but, the fact that he had told me he was coming home...that made me worried! So, atlast, at about 11am, he picked up the phone and said he had accidentally fell asleep at his friends' hotel while hanging out there after the party...HAISHH! He came home, and went back to his place to pack. Then his mum told him that the seating arrangements were all gone, because her laptop suddenly crashed! OMG. What else can go wrong? He had to do everything from scratch.

We FINALLY made our way to the hotel at about 4.30pm to pick up his best man, and reached the hall at about 5pm. Rehearsal was supposed to start at 4.30pm because there was a wedding before that, but the wedding party only cleared from the hall at 5pm, so rehearsal only started at 5.30pm.  I could not join the rehearsal, as I had to get ready for my make up. But it was fine because I'll just have to follow Aliff's que and the format is about the same for Malay weddings, so no worries there. Asyraf took my place as the Bride :)

Aliff and his Bestman

Aliff being the "Groom-Zilla"

Started my make up at 5.30pm. My family started coming by 7.00pm and hung out with me in the preparation room. By then Aliff had finished his rehearsal and joined me to get ready. Syida, Asyraf, Han and Aliff's bestman, Aran, also got ready in the same room. ALL IS FINALLY ON TRACK and everything went smoothly after. By 7.30pm guests started to arrive. Aliff's 2 other friends came and joined us.

the Inspiration for the look



Bride helping MOH getting ready



 

 

Aran preparing his speech

 

 

putting on my grandma's gold gelang kaki

Around 8.30pm most guests have arrived and seated and me and Aliff made our entrance to the hall to the sound of live kompang and "Gelora" by P.Ramlee and Saloma (my absolute FAV!). Aliff's reception is traditional, so through out the night we were accompanied by traditional songs. Once seated on the pelamin, and after the recitation of the doa, we were presented with a silat performance. It was quite aggresive, the silat fighthers we jumping on and off stage, but it was cool and definitely enlightening to the foreign guests. There were a number of foreign guests, most of them Aliff's mother's guests, so the reception was bilingual and every step of the ceremony was explained. That was one of the reasons his mother insisted on a really traditional reception.

 

So, after the merenjis, was the Pulut Kuning-Cutting. Then as we walked down the pelamin to the high table, we stopped by our respective grandmother's tables for them to merenjis...as they were quite old, and Aliff's grandmother being on the wheelchair, Aliff's aunts decided that we go to them to merenjis, instead of them having to go up the pelamin. Very good idea! Then we walked down to the hightable to the song "Saat Yang Bahagia" again by P. Ramlee and Saloma.

Dinner was then served. The picture and video montage was played during dessert. And after dessert we went back up to the pelamin for the speech by Iqa, Aliff's sister and Aran, Aliff's bestman. Aliff's uncle made Aran read a few pantun in malay and that got the guests cracking. After the speeches, the MC announced that it was the end of the night and me and Aliff made our way to the entrance to greet the guests goodbye, to the song of "Selamat Pengantin Baru" by Saloma. After, some guests mostly family and Aliff's close friends stayed back for pictures.



The MIL's foreign guests



Aliff's Cambridge mates

Both sides of the family

After the last guest left, me and Aliff went to the Trader's Hotel, which was a treat from my parents :) Kakmyra and family also spent the night at the same hotel, so we had breakfast together the next morning. Me and Aliff missed the breakfast at Shangri La and ended up ordering room service for breakfast, so this time, we made sure to wake up in time for the breakfast buffet. Went home at about 2pm and sent Han back to Gopeng. On the way home we stopped by a rest stop and had tea...

Ok, I'm going on and on even though the part of the wedding is over...because, after 3 months, I am still in denial that the wedding is finally OVER! I MISS being called a Bride-to-Be....

But the reality is, it is over ......... BUT, the Marriage is only BEGINNING!

I look forward to growing old with my bestfriend, my soulmate, my husband.

Till then.

Muaxxxxxxxxxxx.