Our first 30 days together

Hi Tinkerbell...

Why Tinkerbell? Because you're an itsy bitsy cutie pie :)

We slept at the hospital for 2 nights, because you came out in the evening (Qhala Myra's theory). Daddy was with us for both nights, sleeping on the cold SDMC floor...I asked him to take the sleeping chair that the hospital provided but he said they were uncomfortable. Tok Ibu and To Ba brought a couple of comforters for Daddy. FYI, Daddy is a heavy sleeper, which means he will not wake up unless you scream at his ears. But for those 2 nights, he will wake up even with the slightest murmur you make...One night, I was feeding you and accidentally dropped the bed remote thingy, the next second your Daddy came jumping on the bed from the floor thinking I dropped you!

Daddy being the "We will not rest" workaholic was quite occupied with con-calls and replying emails...he set up a small section in the hospital room for his laptop...his laptop got the arm chair! He even found a waiting room which he self-converted into a conference room for his con-calls....That's Daddy for you...but, when he's off the laptop or the phone, he was all hands-on to meet my every needs...I was suffering from post-episiotomy pain and moving, even just a slight re-positioning of my butt hurts like mad.Surprisingly, he was also confident in handling you, though not in the diaper changing area. Tok Ibu was there the whole 2 days and helped in that area...Mummy changed your diaper on the second night, and felt so proud!

When you were born, your skin had this red rashes with white spots all over your body up to your scalp...But the doctors said it is normal and would go away within a couple of weeks. I googled and its called Neonatal Acne...Yours was quite mild, compared to some other images of other babies with it on google...The paed prescribed a medicinal body wash to be applied during your baths to ease the rashes. After a week, on the day you had your first visitors at home, all the rashes went away...You were so vain, making sure you looked good for your visitors! (FYI, you looked cute even with the rashes sayang).

If you look closely you can see the rashes:

Confinement Food
I have always loved confinement food...so I enjoyed the food that was served...yes, SERVED! on a platter! Every meal, Buk Minah (your nanny) would bring up a platter of food for me...The menu would consist of grilled salmon or beef (and after 2 weeks, occasionally chicken), sawi, assortment of ulam, lobak putih soup, fruits and a glass of water...Eventhough it was pretty much the same thing everyday, I was fine with it...Salmon was the best! I can eat salmon everyday!

Among the challenges that Mummy faced:

Jaundice
You had a slight jaundice on the second day with a reading of 118, which was not high, so you were cleared to be discharged. We had to come back to the hospital every 2 days the first week to check your jaundice...We even brought you to the emergency room once because Tok Ibu felt that the yellow has not progressed down....They had to take blood from your cute little heel everytime we went to the hospital for the follow up check-ups...it broke my heart every time they poke you, but you were so strong, and cool, out of the 4 times they poked you, you only cried once, and I think it's because the nurse who did it that time didn't do it properly... It went up to the highest reading of 230, but you didn't have to be admitted because it didn't go beyond 240/250...eventually it went down and that's the end of the jaundice saga...pheeeewhhhhh.

With Tok Ibu for your jaundice follow up at SDMC

Breastfeeding - Sleepless nights, engorgement, nipple sore
You were such a good baby, latched on to Mummy's boobies naturally on the first try...Mummy yang tak pandai sangat...the nurses taught me to feed you in the football position on my right boob and because I was quite nervous, I stuck with that position for quite some time and fed you more from the right cause I was scared to move positions...That was a BIG mistake, because now the left boob is not producing as much as the right (this is from pumping results, tho I have read that pump result doesn't accurately show how much milk you make).

The doctors and Qhala Myra told me that babies need to be fed atleast every 4 hours, ideally every hour...so I had to wake you up every 1 or 2 hours when you don't wake up on your own to feed you. The first 2 days, you will not feed if you poopoo...So when I try feeding you and you refuse, I would know that you have poop-ed in your diaper...I was so proud that you're a clean-freak like me (this didn't last long though, eventually you will stop sucking for a while when you poo and make this pouty lip face, and once you're done, you'll continue feeding as if nothing happened...hahha).

You will wake up almost every hour after 12am...So, during the day, when you sleep, Mummy tries to sleep as well, because we party it up at night...The first few weeks was quite rough for me, because after feeding, I need to burp you, and you didn't burp those first few weeks, or if you did I couldn't hear it...so I had to hold you upright for about 10-15 minutes...by the time I lay you down, after a few minutes, you will wake up for the next feed...so, basically, the first few weeks was no sleep for me...the longest I get to sleep straight was 3 hours...and the post-episiotomy pain didn't help either.

On the 4th day, my breasts got engorged...it was sooo painful and I felt like you tak puas minum cause i think the milk duct was blocked...Luckily your Jidah Ti (Mummy's grandmama) was there and she asked me to dab warm cloth on the breasts and manually pump out the milk with my hands...Daddy had bought me the best electric-freestyle-hands free-breast pump in the market, which was one of the first things we bought when I was still pregnant with you, but because you came out 2 weeks early, Mummy had not sterilised it and had not charged it for the required first 20 hours....so I couldn't use it to pump! Other home remedies was to put a piece of cabbage leaf on your breast, to literally comb your breast with a hair comb, place burnt sireh on the breast...There was one day, I literally was crying while pumping because the engorgement didn't dial down even after the warm cloth/pumping/sikat/cabbage/sireh etc.

My tukang urut came after the 5th day...the first day she urut, she told me my milk supply was low, because while she was massaging my breast, milk didn't leak out...I got anxious...Your paed suggested for me to drink halba...OMG, the taste is sooooo bitter I had to get ready a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to take after gulping it to neutralise the after taste.

Occasionally it got engorged a few more times, especially the left boob. Mainly because my nipple on the left breast got sore and cracked...I think because I have not latched you properly on the left side, didn't know that you were supposed to be sucking on the areola (the dark circle) and not the nipple itself...So because it hurtssss like crazyyyyyy when you suck, I stopped the left side for a while...I applied the lanolin medella nipple cream profusely, I wipe a bit of air zam-zam, I also applied minyak gamat to heal the pain...since you were not feeding on the left side, I pumped and on the upside had quite a lot of EBM supply. The pain from the engorgement and the nipple sore got so bad that I had a slight fever of 38.5 degrees. Went to see a nearby gynae (because Dr Siti was still away)...she said the only thing she can prescribe is for me to keep on feeding you and make sure the latch is right...and to take the panadol to ease the pain, which is safe for breastfeeding.

Bibik Muammah (your cousins' nanny) massaged my breasts to clear all the blockage. And i had to brave myself and feed you on the left despite the pain to help ease the engorgements. Eventually it got better. The massages also hepled with milk supply because milk started to flow smoothly once the blockages were cleared. Aside from the massages and halba, among the home remedies I tried to amp up your milk supply was horlicks, kurma+almond milk shake, lobak putih, pegaga and drinking a lot of water. Don't know if any of it worked, or its psychology, but milk supply did get better.

Episiotomy and constipation
Oh gosh, probably the most agony for me was the post episiotomy pain...It didn't help that I was sitting with my legs crossed over each other i.e bersila, a few hours after the labor! Tak perasan, until Qhala Myra noticed in shock!

I wasn't able to move freely without feeling the horrible pain down there, so I was not comfortable feeding you lying down...(I was also scared of feeding you lying down, scared you would somehow choke or that I would suffocate you with you with breast) So I decided to feed you sitting down...I brought up the cushy dining table chair up and placed it next to the bed...But it doesn't matter how many pillows I put under my butt, the stubborn pain would not go away! It did not help that I was constipated, mostly I think because of the fear that if I strained for the poopoo to come out, the stitches will break...so I'll just sit on the bowl and hope it comes out naturally, which of course it didn't...At the hospital I requested for the meds that will help with the constipation, and I poo-ed the first day, and didn't poo again after a couple of days after that...and it also didn't help that everytime I go to the toilet, you will cry for milk...

To help ease the pain, Dr Siti asked me to rendam air garam for 15 minutes, twice a day for a week...which was difficult because you wanted my boobs most of the time and 15 minutes is just too long! My tukang urut suggested to wash the area with air garam+sireh+asam keping. Did that only once because I felt a little uncomfortable after. Continued with air garam for 2 weeks, until it FINALLY went away!!!! The day it went way was among the happiest days of my life and I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to jinx it! I read that there's a perineal cream that you can apply down there during pregnancy, so you don't have to be cut down there...will definitely do that for your future adik nanti!

Bengkung
I hate wearing this with a passion! It gets hot, itchy and uncomfortable esp while breastfeeding. But I had to wear them or I'll not hear the end of it from the maids. It's supposed to tighten your wobbly tummy and place your womb back in its place. It's difficult to put on by myself and so I had to ask the maids to help, so after a while I got really tired of it and switched to a corset.

Wow, the first 30 days was VERY challenging for a first mum like me. I didn't know what I was doing most of the time. There were a few nights, I shamelessly have to admit, that I cried my eyes out alone (cause everyone else was asleep at 3am) while feeding you because the episiotomy pain + constipation + engorgement + nipple sore all attacked at the same time and I or anyone else for that matter couldn't do anything about it.

Although from this post it might seem that the first 30 days was horrible for me, sometimes I find myself crying while holding you not because of the pain but because I was TOO in love with you. Believe it or not, I loved changing your diapers! I NEVER knew a love like this. It's a different kind of love that goes beyond everything else. I was NEVER angry at you for all the horrible experience, but was thankful that those were the only thing that I had to pay for to have you in my life.

That's pretty much it, nothing much to write about you because all you did was sleep-feed-burp-poo-sleep and the cycle goes on pretty much like that, albeit in different orders. You're not a big screamer...your cry is acceptably loud enough to get our attention, but not screaming loud which scares the adults thinking you're in excruciating pain. You cried the first few times when we put you in the water, but came to love the water after a few baths.

Events:

19.12.2012 (18th day): Tahnik - done by Jidi Chen at Tok Ba and Tok Ibu's place ... lebih afdhal to be done on the 7th day, but Jidi Chen was in China.

25.12.2012 (24th day): Christmas -  We had Christmas lunch at Qhala Myra's place for the fun of it. We ordered turkey from Victoria Station and Qhala Myra cooked the rest of the dishes...Kakak Lulu made pumpkin pie which was sooo delish! First time Mummy keluar during pantang (other than the hospital trips)

26.12.2012 (25th day): Circumcised - We forgot about this, hence the delay...but you were still too small to actually feel the pain, and it was just a short and little snip, done by Dr Siti Mazliah at SDMC...I held your little fingers when the doctor circumcised you...you were such a champ and shouted just for a while.

27.12.2012 (26th day): Registered - Daddy registered your birth and name with the Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara. You're officially Alexandria Omar binti Aliff Omar. You are named by your Daddy, after the city of Alexandria in Egypt...it means defender of mankind...InsyaAllah, you'll grow to live up to the responsibility of your name, and how ever that would be, I will always be proud of you!

These are some of your early pictures...Mummy was too busy concentrating on getting you better from jaundice and too occupied with the pains that I forgot to take pictures of you...I made it up after your 1 month birthday, you'll see :)

No matter how tight we bundled you up, those beautiful hands somehow manage to break free from the bundle....

...and even the mittens

With Daddy-O

You slept in your snuggle nest in between Mummy and Daddy

SH and AO - BFFs! (from Qhala Myra's Instagram) 

Tummy time with SH (from Qhala Myra's Instagram) Now do you see why I call you Tinkerbell ? :)

Tinkerbell's first new year

Cikunit and Bambam (as Tok Ba calls them)

I love you with all my heart Tinkerbell!

NEXT: 1 month old 

2.12.2012 - Your Birth Day

I'm writing this post for my baby girl, hence the reference to "you" is to you my baby girl :)

                        

Your birth day. One of my favorite days my entire life.

1.12.2012, Saturday

38th week check up at Dr Siti. Other than the routine check up, she checked my va-jajay and said "you're ready...baby can come out anytime". Hmmm what does that mean? Were you engaged? Has my cervix opened? We were too caught up in the moment and didn't ask Dr Siti what "ready" meant. The first thing on my mind was "don't come out yet" because Mummy has not bought the nursing bras and have not packed for the hospital! Then Dr Siti continued and said I have 2 options; (1) induce labor or (ii) wait till you come out naturally. Why is she giving me these 2 options? Well, your initial due date is 17.12.2012. Unfortunately, Dr Siti will be away from 7th till Christmas.

Mommy and Daddy discussed about this, and we decided we want Dr Siti to deliver you. Daddy didn't wake up super early for the past 9 months everytime there's an appointment with Dr Siti to get the waiting number to have another doctor, who would have a shorter que, to deliver you. For those who have Dr Siti as their OBG would know that Dr Siti is the only OBG who would still have patients waiting at 5pm on a Saturday. Why? Because, even if you're that last patient at 5pm on Saturday, when you walk into her room, you will be treated the same as if you were the first patient that day. How to be the first patient? Queing in front of the registration at 6am. So, we want Dr Siti.

She told us that we can induce labor naturally, by doing a lot of walking, swimming etc. We decided to try natural inducement, and if by the 5th there are no signs of labor, we'll come in on the 6th to get you out.

I didn't plan to start any natural inducement activities because even though my 2 weeks leave starts on Monday the 3rd, I planned to go into the office that Monday to finish off some hand over stuff and update a few files. I also planned to do some last minute shopping for you, to clean the room, pack the hospital bag etc. I also planned to attend this seminar on the 5th. There were still so many things to do.

After seeing Dr Siti, me and daddy went to Midvalley for a baby exhibition. Before we went to the expo, we had a big lunch at this Thai place and joked that today was the last day to really eat up before I start my pantang food because its the last weekend before you're coming out.

The expo had sooo many booths and things on sale. I finally got the nursing bras, more pyjamas for you, a second bath towel, blankets, the zipper bundle and some other stuff for you to complete the hospital bag. Then we crossed over to the Gardens, cause Daddy wants to look at office shoes for him. We then had dinner. I planned to eat a big cheese burger but wrongly ordered a mushroom burger! That was my last chance to eat junk food and I ordered the most healthiest burger! I was thinking, it's ok, there's 5 more days to eat junk food. How wrong was I?

I remembered feeling sooooo tired and fell asleep in the car on the way home. I had some bleeding, but didn't think of it as anything because Dr Siti said I'll have some bleeding down there because of her inspection of my va-jajay. Reached home, contemplated to pack for the hospital, but was tooo tired and I decided to do it tomorrow.

Our last night sleeping on the bed just the 2 of us.

2.12.2012, Sunday

4.00am : Startled from sleep because I felt a gush of trickling water coming out from down there...I automatically waked Daddy up...I remembered thinking, did I pee in my panties? It didn't feel like pee because I couldn't control it...did my water broke? I was thinking, it cannot be...it's too early!  Luckily I was wearing a pad, because of the bleeding. Went to the toilet, washed off and went back to bed. Few seconds later, water gushed out again. And it kept on coming out. Ok, definitely not pee. OMG. I asked Daddy to google what water breaking feels like. It can be continuous trickling of water over a period of time or a dramatic gush of water like you see in the movies. Mummy's was the former. We decided to go to the labor room. I frantically packed the hospital bag...I just shoved whatever I can think of in the luggage. I started feeling contractions.

5.00am:  I remembered when Qhala Mira started feeling like she was going into labor, she took a bath first and shampoo-ed her hair. She said better wash your hair cause you can't wash your hair for at least a day after giving birth. And google did say that it can take up to 24 hours before the baby actually comes out. So Mummy and Daddy decided to bathe before going to the hospital. I watched a few birthing videos on youtube and most mom-to-be looked horrible! And there were some who looked so prim and pretty. So, after bathing I blow dried my hair, put on concealer, wore a pretty dress...I wanted to look nice in the labor room. By this time the contractions are about 5 minutes apart.

6.00am: We wanted to quietly go to the hospital and confirm that Mummy was actually in labor before waking everybody up, but because of his excitement, Daddy created some ruckus which woke Tok Ibu up. We drove to the hospital at about 6.15am.

6.30am: We arrived at the labor room. The nurse greeted us and Mummy was asked to put on the SDMC dress. They checked my va-jajay and confirmed that I'm in labor! They strapped 2 devices on my tummy, one to monitor the baby's heart beat and one to monitor the contractions. The nurses told me they were going to monitor my cervix opening and will call Dr Siti later in the morning. I was opened 2cm. I asked for milo cause I was hungry. Can't remember if I had any food. They then inserted some medicine in my butt to clear my bowel and 5 minutes later I was running to the toilet.

7.00am - 3.00pm: CONTRACTIONS. The device monitoring the contractions shows how severe the contractions are. 50 and above means I'm experiencing contractions, the higher the reading, the more severe the contractions are. If it goes beyond 100 it means its really severe. During the first hour, every 5 minutes the reading will go up to 70 to 100. Then it's every 3 minutes, and goes up to 120. Man, everytime Mummy experienced contractions Mummy will squeeze Daddy's hands. Yeah, Daddy was next to Mummy all the time. Even though the contractions were painful, it was still bearable...it's like the most really bad period pain, which I'm used to, cause i get really bad period pains. The nurses keep on offering epidural, but I felt like I was still ok...I just took the shot which was supposed to make me relax, it doesn't really relieve the pain. I was dozing off a couple of times but will wake up during contractions.Your grandparents and aunts and uncles were waiting at the waiting room...they could not come in to the labor room, so Daddy will step out every now and then to update them. Dr Siti came at about 12 and checked up on me...everything was ok. I remembered I had both my personal and office blackberry with me...at about 9am I received an email from my boss asking about some work stuff...I replied, and at the end of the email Mummy wrote "BTW I'm in labor boss!"

3.30pm: After almost 12 hours since my water broke, my cervix has only opened 3.5cm!! By this time the contractions have gone from really bad period pain to crazy out of the world pain! I was crying by this time. EPIDURAL! Before Daddy confirmed to the nurses that Mummy will be taking the epidural, the nurses gave Daddy some brochures and leaflets on epidural and its side effects. I remembered telling Daddy I don't care about the side effects, Mummy NEED the shot, NOW. The anesthetist came and gave me the shot, while gossiping with the nurses about some other doctor. I was trembling by then because of the contractions that I didn't actually pay attention to what they were talking about, I didn't even notice the pain of the injection to my spine. The anesthetist said that sometimes epidural won't work 100% to relieve the pain...WHAT? Alhamdulillah, after a few minutes, the pain went away and Mummy dozed off into semi-sleep. I remembered feeling soooooo relieved! Daddy would tell me that I'm going through contractions up to 120-140, and I'll be smiling, not feeling even a tinge of pain! Thank God for epidural!

5.00pm: I am opened 8cm.

5.45pm: 9.5cm. Nurse said this is it...Mummy can start pushing. Daddy can see your beautiful hair...They stopped the epidural so I can feel when I started pushing. We did some trial runs before Dr Siti came in. They started prepping Dr Siti's gears...I remembered Daddy asking the nurses about Dr Siti's yellow boots. Was it going to be really bloody? yikes.

5.50pm: Dr Siti came in and we started getting you out. Daddy was cheer-leading at the side shouting "Push" and giving me encouragements. He even dialled in Qhala Myra and put her on loud speaker while she shouted "Push" together with Daddy and the nurses. I remembered that everyone was saying I was doing a good job but I was so afraid they were lying trying to keep me positive...so I pushed my heart out.

6.07pm: After 38 weeks of pregnancy, 14 hours of labor, 11 hours of contractions pain, 15 minutes of pushing, I finally get to hear your beautiful voice. When you came out, I felt like a big gush of water coming out and a sense of undescribable relief...Daddy cut your umbilical cord and the nurses showed me your cute little va-jajay and said "It's a girl!"...Then I saw the nurses carry you to wash you off and weigh you. I saw Daddy following the nurses wherever they brought you from one station to the other.

You were perfect...weighing 2.83kg and 475cm long. Then the nurses brought you over to me for me to hold you for a little while. The feeling was like the lyrics to the old song "The First Time" by Surface..."The first time, I looked into your eyes I cried"...I literally cried while kissing your chubby cheeks and I remembered I keep on saying "Hi Baby". You opened your beautiful eyes sooo wide...They then took you out to debut you to the rest of your big family...Tok Ba qamat to your ears...They then took you to the nursery to clean up. Family members came in to see me...I was told I looked like a wreck...so much of looking prim and pretty! I remembered I was alone for a while in the labor room and felt this urge to puke...can't find the nurse button and I wasn't strong enough to shout so I vomitted on the floor....kesian the nurse had to clean it up....

7.00pm: They pushed me to my room. There was a funny incident that made Tok Ba laughed so hard...I was still feeling dizzy and nauseated, I needed to puke...Qhala grabbed a container and Daddy held the container up for me to puke in....he then threw the vomit into the toilet bowl, and started puking himself...that's your Daddy!

11.00pm: The last visitor for the night left....Daddy slept on the floor and kept on waking up to assist me to feed you. It was just the 3 of us...our first night together...and we survived.

Words cannot describe how happy we were and how much in love we were with you.

It's been a month now since you came into our world, and I'm falling in love with you everyday, over and over again.

Despite the pain, everyday I feel like rewinding back to this day.

Next: Our First 30 Days!